… Since I passed my driving test. But let’s start from the beginning.
The day before my test I had a driving lesson with my instructor, on that lesson my car broke down on the dual carriage way just before a really busy roundabout. It ended up having to be towed back home.
I tried several garages to try and get it fixed but no one could do it on such short notice.
In the end I borrowed my partners car for my test (same model car, just different year) and I passed.
But there started all the problems, the amount of issues I’ve had with the car since. I even had someone drive into my car out front of our house! I thought once I had my license it would open a whole new world of freedom, independence, that it would be a really good thing. But so far it’s caused me nothing but anxiety and stress. And guess what? I’ve had to book it in for more repairs again.
I’m just hoping this is the last of it for a while now that I can work past the anxiety and stress and actually enjoy that I have a car and a license.
These quarantine days are going fast and slow at the same time, just like this pregnancy. I want it to go faster because I’m so heavy and tired already. But at the same time I want it to slow down because I have so many things I need get done before our little girl is here. And my stress levels are peaking way too high as it is.
Jasper can’t wait for his little sister to arrive and is always coming up to me giving my bump cuddles and kisses and wanting to feel baby kick.
He’s also expressed an interest in how baby gets out of mummies belly. His new thing is now to point at my private parts whilst telling me that the baby comes out of there and it’s going to hurt. It’s a nice reminder of what’s to come.
As I was reading through my old blog posts the other day I came across one about weather or not we would be having any more children – you can read it here.
And it made me laugh as clearly things didn’t end up the way I thought they would. Because here we are expecting our fourth child.
And although it’s been a struggle for me mentally, accepting that we’re having another child. I’m now in a place where I can say I’m happy about it and I can’t wait to meet our little girl ( I was never not happy, however I was terrified and that feeling took over at that point in time). Although I am still scared about having four children, and how we are going to manage with everything. The other week I completely broke down because I thought we was going to have to buy a new car, but more about that in a separate post.
Trying to implement a little bit of colour (she says but used a B&W photo as her featured image) into my life and my wardrobe. It was actually Ryan who spotted these and although I was hesitant (still am to be honest) seems I’m very much a neutral colour kind of girl I thought just go for it add a little bit of colour.
I’m a little unsure, but then again I’m really not used to wearing allot of colour so maybe once I’ve got past the “OMG it’s so bright and orange” I might love it.
Saturday and a good week has nearly come to an end. Back to our normal routine again on Monday. And I’m feeling a little sad about it.
There is so many things going on in our life’s right now and if I’m honest I don’t always know what I’m doing or how I’m feeling I’m just running on some kind of autopilot. But I am slowly working my way back to prioritising myself. For such a long time I have been putting myself down and not taking care of or doing anything for me. For such a long time I have just been a mom and nothing else but I am more then just a mother and I am slowly finding those parts of me that makes me, well me.
I have a love for shoes especially heels, but I’ve been thinking about getting some new trainers for a while now because let’s face it running after three kids whilst wearing heels doesn’t always mix well together and the trainers I’ve got are looking rather meh, bleh and a little manky if I’m honest.
I wasn’t going to buy any shoes today but they were there they had my name on them, they begged me to buy them and I couldn’t say no, and I have never loved a pair of trainers so much.
I am up way to late even though I know I’ll be woken up in a few hours, I also know how much I will regret it when Jasper walks in telling me to wake up or asks to “watch mummy’s phone”.
But I got a little bit too into watching the last few episodes of YOU, and yes I know I’m a little late watching it but three kids no time and all of that you know. Anyway, my thoughts? It’s good it certainly keeps you watching, but I didn’t like it because of the horrible feeling and state of mind it’s left me in. I just can’t watch things like this without feeling horrible, it’s the reason why I never watch horrors anymore either, it just leaves me pondering and just makes me feel really bad, sometimes for days. Because once I get something in my head it just does not go anywhere until I’ve finished processing it, although I might not want to process, it’s like once I’ve started I can’t find the stop button and have to keep playing until the end. Extremely annoying and exhausting at times.
So if they do bring out a season two I am promising myself not to watch it even though I am curious, Ryan seemed to get in to it so if he starts watching the second season I might just get him to tell me how it ends.
I think I’m going to have to try and distract my mind with something a little more “happy” to try and go to bed in a better state of mind.