These quarantine days are going fast and slow at the same time, just like this pregnancy. I want it to go faster because I’m so heavy and tired already. But at the same time I want it to slow down because I have so many things I need get done before our little girl is here. And my stress levels are peaking way too high as it is.
Jasper can’t wait for his little sister to arrive and is always coming up to me giving my bump cuddles and kisses and wanting to feel baby kick.
He’s also expressed an interest in how baby gets out of mummies belly. His new thing is now to point at my private parts whilst telling me that the baby comes out of there and it’s going to hurt. It’s a nice reminder of what’s to come.
Saturday and a good week has nearly come to an end. Back to our normal routine again on Monday. And I’m feeling a little sad about it.
There is so many things going on in our life’s right now and if I’m honest I don’t always know what I’m doing or how I’m feeling I’m just running on some kind of autopilot. But I am slowly working my way back to prioritising myself. For such a long time I have been putting myself down and not taking care of or doing anything for me. For such a long time I have just been a mom and nothing else but I am more then just a mother and I am slowly finding those parts of me that makes me, well me.
I haven’t picked my camera up until today and I’ve barely updated any social media the last week.
As much as I enjoy social media – and it’s something I do because I enjoy it. I tend to put to much pressure on myself sometimes taking the fun out of it and making it stressful. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing recently, so I decided to just take a break for a week and just be. And it’s certainly worked, I feel inspired with photo ideas, blog post ideas and my fingers just want to keep tapping away on my keyboard but I’m going to have to restrain myself a little because I have to be up bright and early tomorrow and if I’m honest I am really tired.
But I will be back tomorrow with a weekly evaluation, and what’s happening this week. I’ll probably end up writing a few more posts that I’ll schedule to be published throughout the week.
Where do I start? Since we started suspecting Zack having ASD, everything has been a roller coaster. It’s a constant mixture of feelings and I try not think too much about the future and focus on here and now and how to best prepare him for well – life.
Zack pretty much mastered PECS straight away it was something he enjoyed doing and therefor did with no problem at all. Our current work in progress is something called colourful semantics where we have hit a slight bump in the road. Zack wants to do things his way on his terms, if it doesn’t happen in his way he gets stressed, upset inattentive and just tries running of with it to do it himself the way he likes it.
So try to get him slowly used to this I need him on his own with no distraction which is easier said then done when he gets distracted by a cup sitting on the side and he has two brothers running around. But we will get there and we will keep working on it.
Sometimes I feel so useless, I haven’t got enough time, not enough hands, not enough energy. I just feel like a failure and that I need to do so much more, I want to do so much more. But I don’t know how I keep working to get there but somehow end up moving backwards.
But I guess all I can do is my best, and strive to always be better and do better.
As I’ve mentioned previously Jasper has started potty training and it’s going great other than one minor little problem.
He does not want to poop on the toilet, he seems to think it’s a little bit scary. I suppose it’s very different for him aswell seems he normally always stands up when he pops. Yesterday I thought we finally had it, he told me there was poop coming (?) and sat on the toilet, mummy there poo coming, poo coming! ( I was like hooooray it’s finally happening) And then he clenched up and wanted a nappy. Tried encouraging him to try again but it was a clear no.
I’m considering making him a little poop chart, where he can put little poop stickers on a toilet to try and make it fun-ish and get him used to the thought of poop in the toilet. But if anyone has any tricks that’s worked on their toddlers, please let me know, I’m grateful for any input!
Negatives of today – the vacuum died, and there was no new episode of riverdale.
Positives of today – 16 degrees and it feels like spring! Also I got a new vacuum.
As soon as Ryan got home today we got ready to go and get our new vacuum which I had already reserved online. Honestly a day without being able to vacuum does not work in this house, I vacuum several times a day and not being able to today was just well dirty. However very satisfactory when I unboxed and tried our new one out, you know your getting old when your getting excited by a new vacuum, like really excited but the suctions sooo good.
Time for bed now, I have no expectations for a good nights sleep, it just seems to be one of those weeks.