This pregnancy is much like my other pregnancies, and at the same time it’s very different.
I have something called low PAPP-A, which means I’m at a higher risk of having a low birth weight baby, increased chance of an early birth, increased chance of developing pre-eclampsia.
Now I’ve had this in 3 out of 4 of my pregnancies. I had it with Zack, Jasper and now with this pregnancy too, however I didn’t have it when I was pregnant with Jamie.
However when it comes to the low birth weight part I seem to be the opposite. And Im having rather large babies. Only Zack was premature at 36 weeks, Jasper was 38 weeks and Jamie 39. And thankfully I’ve never developed pre-eclampsia.
Now with this girl she’s on the 97th centile on the growth chart, and is estimated to weigh about 4,5 kg, for this reason I’m likely to be induced if she’s not decided to make an appearance before then.
Honestly I really just want time to move quicker now, everything hurts, I’m so heavy and just want to meet our little girl and get back to my normal body and normality.
Just over 10 weeks to go until the official due date. And I have another ultrasound at 32 weeks so hopefully then I’ll get a few more answers about a possible induction.
I had to have the conversation the other day with Jasper, the conversation that I was hoping I wouldn’t have to have yet for a while, a couple of years or you know ever.
Jasper looks at my bump with a very puzzled look and asks me “mummy how did the baby get in there?”. I completely panic, I was not prepared for this and I answer “ When mummy’s and daddy’s love each other very much they have really big cuddles and that makes a baby “. Jasper the little smart ass couldn’t just accept this answer and be done with it nope instead he says “but mummy I give you cuddles”. So panic mode again “ehrum yes but it’s only when boyfriends and girlfriends cuddle that you can make a baby”. And before he manages to come up with another question to my terrible answer I ask him if he has a girlfriend? He replies “ Mummy my girlfriends a little bit interesting “
And that made me laugh so hard that I nearly peed myself.
When it comes to the talk though, I think I’ll have to have a think and sit down and have a better conversation with him, I don’t think the answers I gave him were the best. He took me by surprise okay? I need time to prepare for something like that. ?
… Since I passed my driving test. But let’s start from the beginning.
The day before my test I had a driving lesson with my instructor, on that lesson my car broke down on the dual carriage way just before a really busy roundabout. It ended up having to be towed back home.
I tried several garages to try and get it fixed but no one could do it on such short notice.
In the end I borrowed my partners car for my test (same model car, just different year) and I passed.
But there started all the problems, the amount of issues I’ve had with the car since. I even had someone drive into my car out front of our house! I thought once I had my license it would open a whole new world of freedom, independence, that it would be a really good thing. But so far it’s caused me nothing but anxiety and stress. And guess what? I’ve had to book it in for more repairs again.
I’m just hoping this is the last of it for a while now that I can work past the anxiety and stress and actually enjoy that I have a car and a license.
These quarantine days are going fast and slow at the same time, just like this pregnancy. I want it to go faster because I’m so heavy and tired already. But at the same time I want it to slow down because I have so many things I need get done before our little girl is here. And my stress levels are peaking way too high as it is.
Jasper can’t wait for his little sister to arrive and is always coming up to me giving my bump cuddles and kisses and wanting to feel baby kick.
He’s also expressed an interest in how baby gets out of mummies belly. His new thing is now to point at my private parts whilst telling me that the baby comes out of there and it’s going to hurt. It’s a nice reminder of what’s to come.
As I was reading through my old blog posts the other day I came across one about weather or not we would be having any more children – you can read it here.
And it made me laugh as clearly things didn’t end up the way I thought they would. Because here we are expecting our fourth child.
And although it’s been a struggle for me mentally, accepting that we’re having another child. I’m now in a place where I can say I’m happy about it and I can’t wait to meet our little girl ( I was never not happy, however I was terrified and that feeling took over at that point in time). Although I am still scared about having four children, and how we are going to manage with everything. The other week I completely broke down because I thought we was going to have to buy a new car, but more about that in a separate post.
Trying to implement a little bit of colour (she says but used a B&W photo as her featured image) into my life and my wardrobe. It was actually Ryan who spotted these and although I was hesitant (still am to be honest) seems I’m very much a neutral colour kind of girl I thought just go for it add a little bit of colour.
I’m a little unsure, but then again I’m really not used to wearing allot of colour so maybe once I’ve got past the “OMG it’s so bright and orange” I might love it.
Saturday and a good week has nearly come to an end. Back to our normal routine again on Monday. And I’m feeling a little sad about it.
There is so many things going on in our life’s right now and if I’m honest I don’t always know what I’m doing or how I’m feeling I’m just running on some kind of autopilot. But I am slowly working my way back to prioritising myself. For such a long time I have been putting myself down and not taking care of or doing anything for me. For such a long time I have just been a mom and nothing else but I am more then just a mother and I am slowly finding those parts of me that makes me, well me.