These quarantine days are going fast and slow at the same time, just like this pregnancy. I want it to go faster because I’m so heavy and tired already. But at the same time I want it to slow down because I have so many things I need get done before our little girl is here. And my stress levels are peaking way too high as it is.
Jasper can’t wait for his little sister to arrive and is always coming up to me giving my bump cuddles and kisses and wanting to feel baby kick.
He’s also expressed an interest in how baby gets out of mummies belly. His new thing is now to point at my private parts whilst telling me that the baby comes out of there and it’s going to hurt. It’s a nice reminder of what’s to come.
As I was reading through my old blog posts the other day I came across one about weather or not we would be having any more children – you can read it here.
And it made me laugh as clearly things didn’t end up the way I thought they would. Because here we are expecting our fourth child.
And although it’s been a struggle for me mentally, accepting that we’re having another child. I’m now in a place where I can say I’m happy about it and I can’t wait to meet our little girl ( I was never not happy, however I was terrified and that feeling took over at that point in time). Although I am still scared about having four children, and how we are going to manage with everything. The other week I completely broke down because I thought we was going to have to buy a new car, but more about that in a separate post.
Trying to implement a little bit of colour (she says but used a B&W photo as her featured image) into my life and my wardrobe. It was actually Ryan who spotted these and although I was hesitant (still am to be honest) seems I’m very much a neutral colour kind of girl I thought just go for it add a little bit of colour.
I’m a little unsure, but then again I’m really not used to wearing allot of colour so maybe once I’ve got past the “OMG it’s so bright and orange” I might love it.
Saturday and a good week has nearly come to an end. Back to our normal routine again on Monday. And I’m feeling a little sad about it.
There is so many things going on in our life’s right now and if I’m honest I don’t always know what I’m doing or how I’m feeling I’m just running on some kind of autopilot. But I am slowly working my way back to prioritising myself. For such a long time I have been putting myself down and not taking care of or doing anything for me. For such a long time I have just been a mom and nothing else but I am more then just a mother and I am slowly finding those parts of me that makes me, well me.
I have a love for shoes especially heels, but I’ve been thinking about getting some new trainers for a while now because let’s face it running after three kids whilst wearing heels doesn’t always mix well together and the trainers I’ve got are looking rather meh, bleh and a little manky if I’m honest.
I wasn’t going to buy any shoes today but they were there they had my name on them, they begged me to buy them and I couldn’t say no, and I have never loved a pair of trainers so much.
I haven’t picked my camera up until today and I’ve barely updated any social media the last week.
As much as I enjoy social media – and it’s something I do because I enjoy it. I tend to put to much pressure on myself sometimes taking the fun out of it and making it stressful. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing recently, so I decided to just take a break for a week and just be. And it’s certainly worked, I feel inspired with photo ideas, blog post ideas and my fingers just want to keep tapping away on my keyboard but I’m going to have to restrain myself a little because I have to be up bright and early tomorrow and if I’m honest I am really tired.
But I will be back tomorrow with a weekly evaluation, and what’s happening this week. I’ll probably end up writing a few more posts that I’ll schedule to be published throughout the week.
Where do I start? Since we started suspecting Zack having ASD, everything has been a roller coaster. It’s a constant mixture of feelings and I try not think too much about the future and focus on here and now and how to best prepare him for well – life.
Zack pretty much mastered PECS straight away it was something he enjoyed doing and therefor did with no problem at all. Our current work in progress is something called colourful semantics where we have hit a slight bump in the road. Zack wants to do things his way on his terms, if it doesn’t happen in his way he gets stressed, upset inattentive and just tries running of with it to do it himself the way he likes it.
So try to get him slowly used to this I need him on his own with no distraction which is easier said then done when he gets distracted by a cup sitting on the side and he has two brothers running around. But we will get there and we will keep working on it.
Sometimes I feel so useless, I haven’t got enough time, not enough hands, not enough energy. I just feel like a failure and that I need to do so much more, I want to do so much more. But I don’t know how I keep working to get there but somehow end up moving backwards.
But I guess all I can do is my best, and strive to always be better and do better.