Another weekend gone

The weekend has come to an end again, We have got a few things done though, mostly painting, (okay so Ryans done most of the painting, I painted one table), and tomorrow our new media unit arrives which I’ve been looking forward to for a week now. So the house is slowly coming together and looking a little bit nicer, we re-painted all the doors and skirtings in gray and although we still have a little bit left to do, the bits that are done looks amazing.
I will post some pictures of the end result once its all finished.

For now I feel absolutely shattered, I stayed up late yesterday and its resulted in me feeling like I was up all night downing a bottle of vodka, although all I actually drunk was alcohol free kopparberg and played on the ps4 with Ryan. So in a little while I will be heading to bed with Jamie Theo, whom always lets us know he wants to go to bed around this time anyway so it all works out quite well.

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Wardrobe update

Jamie Theo has pretty much lived in short sleeved bodysuits all summer so now when the colder weather arrived I realised he hasn’t got any warmer clothes that fit. So I had to do an “emergency online shop” (not that I mind, I love shopping for the kids).

A warmer set, love the colour and the cute little clouds.

I couldn’t help myself I just had to buy these cute hats for all three of them.

Essentials, bodysuits, leggings, socks.

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Reaching goals

Not the best start to the week so lets hope it continues on a better note, Ryan is feeling a little bit better so everything will be back to normal tomorrow.

Ive just finished my workout which felt great, Ive actually finally reached my goal weight which is less then what I weighed before I got pregnant, however I still have quite bit of loose skin on my belly and I have allot of muscle to regain. I’m working on my stomach separation and it is slowly but surely getting better. Pregnancy has definitely took a toll on my body, the fact that Ive had very close pregnancies have probably made it worse, and I haven’t really been working to build my muscles up between pregnancies either. But I’m glad I’ve finally decided to work on it, not only can I feel myself getting stronger but its making me feel better mentally. But I have to be honest, it is so nice to be able to fit into my old tight jeans!

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New week again

So it’s not been the best start to this Monday, one of us have been up all night due to a stomach bug or food poisoning? And I got woke up about four this morning by Zack who decided it was wake up time.

Of course he’s very tired now so if I’m lucky he might go for a nap about the same time as Jasper does and I’ll be able to catch up on some sleep.

We have started re-painting at home and I’m changing some of the details at home so my original plan was to start sanding down a table I’ll be painting but I have a feeling that might be put on hold for today. We also ordered a new media unit yesterday which won’t be delivered until next week. Is it just me who thinks it feels a little bit like Christmas when your expecting a delivery?

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Precious time

It’s just so amazing to watch our little baby grow and at the same time I just want him to keep being this little forever. He’s so happy about everything and sits and talks to us plays with his toys and is just pure joy in everyway. He’s almost four months now and before we know it it’s time to start on solid foods, and soon he will be crawling following his brothers around.

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Bin excitement

Ahh wonderful Friday, although it’s been a little chilly today, I almost turnt the heating on, but thought ehm no just get jumpers out for everyone but Jamie who’s only really got summer clothes so he’s been wrapped in a blanket all day. Time to start buying some warmer clothes.

Highlight of the day must of been our new bin arriving, is that sad? When you get excited about ordering a bin, does it come with old age? Haha. We’ve just had a bag hanging on hooks on our back door, and with heavy nappies in the bag the hooks just keep falling of resulting in the contents of the bin bag all over the floor so I’m very happy about my “stylish bin”.

Ryan’s just got Zack and Jasper of to sleep and Jamie’s just fell asleep next to me so time for me and hubby to get some alone time together.

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The truth

I have hesitated for a while about writing this, I’ve wanted to keep it a secret, wanted to hide, just don’t want anyone to know. But maybe this can be a part of my recovery, maybe it will help? I don’t know.

For a while now I’ve been struggling with yet another depression, for as long as I can remember I’ve been battling depressions on and off for different reasons and I’m just so tired of it, so disappointed in myself and just so very tired.

I knew this was something that could happen again and I tried to take measures to prevent it from happening but yet here I am struggling.

And I feel like doing nothing, I feel like a bad mother, I’m constantly tired, constantly judging myself.

Zacks going through steps towards a diagnosis and I feel like I need to be sharp and strong but I feel weak and my brain can barely keep up with what I did yesterday. Jamie is a very calm and happy baby and I feel as if I don’t spend enough time holding him or playing with him. Jasper is constantly on my heels “mummy, mummy mummmyyy” and I feel as if he needs so much more from me, and I feel sorry for him when he tries reaching out to Zack and gets ignored but doesn’t understand why.

I am getting help, I’m on medication which helps me get by, I don’t do therapy after several failed attempts. I just need to work on myself to get back to normal. So this is why I’ve not been updating the blog recently, I’ve just been trying to hide.

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Sunday evening

Had a lovely evening out with the kids yesterday, nice to get out and let the kids play when it’s a little bit cooler and it’s not scorching, and it was most certainly appreciated by Zack and Jasper.

Jamie sat in his car seat watching, happy as always.

I’m currently listening to a podcast, Jaspers watching CBeebies and Zack and Jamie are still sleeping. I’m waiting for a delivery from ASOS that’s been delayed, I’m really hoping it turns up today.

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Thursday

Today has just been one of those days. I had a bad nights sleep so I’ve felt like a zombie all day. You know when all you do all day is dream about your bed?, yeah one of those days.

The heat has returned and I suppose we should be enjoying it whilst it lasts but honestly today has been a do nothing day, tablets, play-doh, lots of coffee for me, lots of feeding for Jamie. Yeah sometimes you need those days.

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