Always be you Jasper.

At bedtime tonight me and Jasper had a little talk like we always do, and I always enjoy them so much because 1. He is hilarious and caring and just great in so many ways (the fact that he can be a little monster we’re just going to ignore for now) and 2. I think due to Zacks autism and the lack of communication from him, it makes me appreciate that I can have a conversation with Jasper, and not take it for granted. Don’t get me wrong Zack communicates in his own little ways but I’ve never been able to actually converse with him but hopefully one day we will get there.

Anyway today Jasper told me to shush and held his hand over my mouth because “baby’s sleeping” (baby wasn’t sleeping, baby was downstairs with daddy.) Then after a while he asked me if Zack was sleeping which he wasn’t so I said no not yet, then he asked me if Jasper would be sleeping soon to which I replied: I think so. Then he asked the same question again and this time I replied: yes. And within 10 seconds he was asleep. It did put a smile on my face my little Jasper he really doesn’t get enough credit, he’s only two and he already notices when Zack doesn’t like something – sometimes before we do. He truly is amazing and Zack couldn’t have asked for a better brother, although they fight like cat and dog at times, when Zack really does get upset his whole face turns into worry “oh no mummy Zack sad, Zack don’t like the noise”. And although I feel bad that he gets in that situation where he’s worried at the age of two I am so proud of him for his compassion and for his love. He’s a big brother and a little brother and he takes care of and loves Zack and Jamie fiercely.

Jasper you are such an amazing human being, never stop being you, you will do great things in life, and you can do anything.

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Fuck it, pizza it is.

So my day has consisted of cleaning up after kids going through different plans and changes (all in my head whilst cleaning ?). Thinking about eating well and healthy – until I found out the shop ran out of chicken and my planned dinner was ruined. So I ordered pizza in true “fuck it” spirit.

And after I’d put the kids to sleep (which took less then 30 mins, hoooray) I got started on Zacks one page profile. However our little Jamie aka “hiccipops” has some very strong opinions about when it’s time for bed and how it’s unthinkable to go to bed anywhere but in bed with mummy after a certain time, so I’ve had to pause and try and get the rest done tomorrow. So here I am with a happily sleeping baby next to me whom now controls when I go to bed.

My boss, sleeping beauty.

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Since last time

Its been a while, I’ve just put everything aside and focused on here and now trying to sort everything out so Ive got a nice stress free start to 2019. Have I succeeded? No, not really still have things I need to get done and the stress is eating me up from the inside, but for tonight I’m going to enjoy myself and just deal with everything tomorrow.

We had a very calm christmas, the kids all ended up with a stubborn tummy bug and Zack vomited just after opening his first present. Other than that I feel as if the kids enjoyed.

Anyway I just wanted to say Happy new year! And I’m back!

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Birthday coming up

Two out of three kids are having a little nap, Zacks making carrots out of play-doh and I feel as if I’ve not slept in weeks although I’ve not slept too bad, can’t ever win huh?.
I’m starting to think about what birthday presents to get Zack, it can be a little difficult seems his interests aren’t quite like of other kids his age. ┬áThere is one thing I keep looking at which Zack absolutely loves to play with when he has been to his speech and language therapy, and Its a wooden boat with little wooden men. I have looked absolutely everywhere online but I cannot seem to find it. If anyone has any idea of where I might find this, please let me know.

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More kids?

Five months as a family of five, three kids can certainly be challenging at times but also oh so rewarding. Will there be a number four? Well I don’t like to say never but its not something we are planning right now. I don’t know if we change our minds in the future, but I honestly don’t think I could handle another pregnancy physically or mentally. Giving birth and having kids is the most amazing and rewarding experience there is and I don’t think I will ever feel done if I’m honest, but we have our three amazing boys and were happy with that.

Tired first time mommy, and a very tiny Zack.

Newborn Jasper

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Back to reality

Tomorrows the start of a new week again, and I’m really not looking forward to it that much. Ryans had his first week booked of from work in a while and its been so nice having him at home with us.So its back to normality tomorrow again, although I’m going to miss having Ryan here, its going to be nice to get back into a normal routine again. I tend to get more things done when its just me and the kids.

Little hiccup is lying next to me “swimming”, hes doing his very best to move forward but at the moment its mostly just legs and arms in the air waving around, although he does move slightly forward now and again through worming.

For now I’m going to enjoy the last night of the weekend with my other half, but ill be back here again soon.

Happy Jasper on the swings, its about the only thing they want to go on when we go to the park.

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Tired, bored and jinxed

It seems that everytime I say I’m feeling a little more rested something backfires and I end up with a bad nights sleep, although it’s not nearly as bad for me as it is for Ryan who’s only had a couple of hours sleep.

So I think its safe to say I will be having an early night, after I’ve had a nice long warm bath.

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Toddler tantrums

Jasper is going through a tough phase right now which to be honest is a tough phase for all of us. He is very emotional, and theres so much emotion going on for such a little boy, with such a strong will. No is a big word right now and throwing himself on the floor screaming when he doesn’t get his own way is another fun thing he does. Although I try to be as understanding as possible it does occasionally get overwhelming even for me, and when that happens I just try to think that if its hard for me then how much harder isn’t it for him?. Although I am very clear about setting limits and that screaming and throwing tantrums isn’t going to help him get his own way I also try to be understanding towards his feelings as much as I can.

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Behind the lens

There are few and far times between when I’m actually in photographs, I’m always the one behind the lens, so Ive asked Ryan to try and take a few more pictures of me and the kids together, I did start to explain a few things about how to use the camera and the exposure, shutter speed, iso and so on but I think that went in one ear and out the other if I’m honest. I did set the camera for him and he did spend some time taking some pictures which I’m grateful for, and he did great. I know it will be something I will enjoy looking back on when the kids are older.

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Zack and Autism

Ive not really mentioned much about Zack just recently because Ive not really been sure about how much to share and what I feel is ok. At the moment we are waiting for an “official” diagnosis, were talking about special schools since Zacks starts school next year. Were going to regular speech and language therapy appointments and we have got some progress in Zacks speech, HE now asks for things using a sentence “I want ….” and is doing well with his PECS in general.
It does feel a little harder to share things with you here seems his diagnosis isn’t official just yet and were still in the middle of this whole process ourselves, I will keep sharing little things about whats happening at a rate that I’m comfortable with.

 

 

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